I miss communion. This word has multiple meanings as I have come to find out.

First, I miss fellowship. I am thirsty to pray in a circle with my friends, be it over a meal or at Bible study ending in Britta’s awesome song that I grew to love and now miss. The communion of the spirit: enjoying uplifting, encouraging, theological, challenging discussions. I miss crying, not that I want a reason to cry, but if I have one I miss being able to cry on someone’s shoulder and for them to tell me some story that will possibly lessen my pain. I feel like if I am able to cry in front of someone they should feel privileged that I was able to let my guard down in front of them. Pain is avoided at all costs here. I am not certain if they do the same with Beninese people as for me, but people are very uncomfortable if you cry here, making it sometimes hard to express when you are struggling. Maybe they have other ways of expressing it here, but I wonder sometimes if they are really suppressing it. On more than one occasion I have seen the neighbor girls and boys, younger than 12, go outside to hide their tears from arguments or painful punishments.

Okay so secondly, I miss the religious sacrament of communion. I go back and forth from attending the Catholic mass Sunday mornings (in French), to attending the little church next to my house Christian Renaissance (in Fon). I respect Catholic tradition so I have never taken communion in a Catholic church. One of the main reasons I wanted to go to a Protestant church though was that I could take communion (also I hoped the music was better). I only gained on the latter in of my wishes. When Easter rolled around I thought surely we would be taking communion together. It ended up that they would be going to a big worship service with churches from all over. The service lasted all night, which my friend forgot to mention until we were almost there. In talking with my friend at the service I asked if they were serving communion. She said yes, but she went on to say that only a certain group of select people would take it. In describing this group I am now convinced that the church is on a very Calvinistic mentality of Christianity. Those who can take communion are those who have reached the point in their spiritual walk when they no longer sin. The Holy Spirit guides them, and they no longer sin? Okay so if I have any pastors or religious leaders who read this please tell me if this is accurate because if so I think I have been committing sacrilegious acts by partaking of communion in the states. Well all this to say, two years from now will probably be the next time I take communion with my family at First Pres and it will be very special.


I am now going to risk people thinking that I am going crazy. A little while after the Easter service I had an interesting dream. I was walking through a forest and I had sat down with some friends in a clearing. It was night, and out of nowhere a lion appeared. For some reason I was not afraid, the lion was walking towards us but he did not seem all there. As he approached he was crawling army style towards us, but not in the semblance that he wanted to attack but almost as a dog seeks attention. He had a bluish, silvery glow like I would imagine a ghost to look. When he was next to the group he rose and passed through the middle and we parted for him. He left a trail of pita bread between us, and while we were wrapping our minds around what had just happened we didn’t have time to notice the lion had disappeared and a hooded man was hovering with the same bluish glow. He said take, eat and remember me. The rest of the group took and ate. For some reason, out of my Peter like motives of trying to please in the moment I told them to stop eating and that we should bless the communion by reading passages of scripture. Somehow I found myself in a dark sanctuary and someone from the group was reading from the pulpit. I ate.